What Is Real and What Isn't?
by I'm a Nerd and Proud
Summary: Meredith wakes in the hospital after Amelia's wedding. She's confused about where she is and what has happened. (Set after Season 12 finale)
1. The Wedding

**What Is Real and What Isn't?**

 **Summary: Meredith wakes in the hospital after Amelia's wedding. She's confused about where she is and what has happened. (Set after Season 12 finale)**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's or this would happen. ENJOY!**

~x~

Chapter 1: The Wedding

She couldn't take her eyes off of him. Nathan had grabbed hold of her heart like no other. He completed her after Derek's death. And as she stood, waiting for her sister to reach Owen Hunt to be married, Meredith could honestly say she was happy. There had to be enough happiness to go around, that Derek was her last chance for happiness. She had to believe she had another chance.

She couldn't stop the smirk on her face though, as she glazed at the man with a knowing look. Meredith was sure, that after the wedding, she would take Nathan Riggs to a room and ravish him. He made her feel alive again and it brought a peace to her soul she had been missing since her husband's move to DC to help the president. She was very thankful.

"I like him."

"Who?" Meredith could barely take her eyes off of Riggs. It was like he was the flame and she the moth. He drew her in. And she liked it.

"Riggs," Maggie whispered back to Meredith, causing the smile to fall slowly from Meredith's face. "I really like him. I think he likes me."

It all felt like it was coming crashing down around her. Her eyes were wide, her body frozen in terror. She couldn't go after Riggs; she couldn't be with Riggs if Maggie liked him. But her chest became heavy and it was like she couldn't breathe in that moment.

Nathan Riggs made her feel completed, he made her feel alive after feeling dead for so long. Didn't she deserve to be happy after losing Derek? For so long it had only been Derek (shortly Finn but she didn't think of him often anymore) and he was the father of her children, but he was dead. She was alive. She deserved to be happy. Derek would understand and want her to be happy.

Why couldn't Maggie just butt out and let Meredith be happy? Maggie had broken it off with DeLuca. Maggie was the one who decided not to be happy. Meredith was trying. Meredith needed Riggs to feel alive again… Maggie would just need to understand that Meredith needed Riggs more than she did.

"Meredith?"

She turned to look at her half-sister.

"Do you think I should go talk to Riggs?"

Somehow, the wedding was over and they were already at the reception. Amelia and Owen were greeting guests together by the doors. Meredith and Maggie were by the window, watching the happy couple while Riggs stood near Owen's mother. Meredith turned to Maggie, unsure how to respond. She didn't want Maggie going after Riggs.

But Maggie had her big brown eyes and that hopeful look in them. Like a younger sister looking up to her big sister…it reminded Meredith of Lexie. It also reminded Meredith of Derek flirting with Lexie so long ago at the bar; Lexie becoming the second girl at the bar that Derek had taken interest in.

She heard a scream and Meredith could feel the world spinning. What had happened? Why was she falling? She could see people surrounding her and her eyes fell shut. She blacked out from all the thoughts overwhelming her.

Why couldn't she be happy?

~x~

"She's coming around! Someone page Shepherd!"

Why was that voice so familiar? And why were they paging Amelia? She was going on her honeymoon with Owen.

Meredith felt someone grab her hand and she wasn't sure who this person was. The person leaned forward. "I knew you'd wake up. I knew you wouldn't die on us!"

The voice sounded so upset. She wanted to reassure them that falling onto the floor did not mean she was going to die. She had just fainted, that was all. So why did the person sound so thankful that she was coming around?

Slowly, Meredith began to open her eyes and she winced at the bright light, immediately closing her eyes once more. "She's really coming around?" _THAT VOICE!_ Another hand grabbed hers at once. "Meredith, please open your eyes. I need to see your eyes. I miss you baby, please!"

Meredith finally opened her eyes and her green ones met blue. She was in shock at seeing her dead husband's grieve stricken face.

She was not expecting to see Derek Shepherd ever again after unplugging him until she was dead.

It was safe to say, though, that Meredith fainted once more.

~x~

 **Up Next:** _ **The Question**_ **:** Meredith must come to terms that somehow her dead husband is alive. And she has many questions that he must answer.

 **What do you guys think of chapter one? I hope to see you all next chapter! Get ready to see some old characters from the show! Yay! Should I continue?**

 **PS: Sorry for the last go, someone told me that it wasn't working….not sure why but here it goes again!**


	2. The Question

**What Is Real and What Isn't?**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's or this would happen. ENJOY!**

~x~

Chapter 2: The Question

After Meredith fainted, Derek still loomed over his wife's body. He looked so upset and worried about her. He kissed her head and sighed loudly, turning to Meredith's doctor, Doctor Coven. "Will she wake up again soon?" Derek asked, his heart racing and breaking at the thought of losing Meredith.

He couldn't raise Zola without her.

Doctor Coven, a small five foot nothing woman, stood watching. She pushed up her black glasses up her small dainty nose. "That she's woken up at all is a really good sign. I believe she will be fully conscious soon." Doctor Coven said.

Derek turned back to his wife, looking at her pale face with a pleading and urging look. He held onto her hand tightly. Cristina, the person on Meredith's other side, watched him carefully. "Shouldn't you be checking up on Mark?" Cristina asked, sounding bitter.

He winced. "Mark is fine. He's awake and he's talking." Derek replied.

Doctor Coven took this as her leave and went to check on her other patient, Mark Sloan.

"That didn't stop you before from leaving Mere to see him." Cristina said frowning. "And she's your wife!"

"Mark needs me too, Yang. He's my brother!" Derek answered, frowning at the small woman. Cristina turned her cheek to him and looked at Meredith, her person.

The two of them didn't speak much after that.

~x~

For the next three hours, Meredith drifted between consciousness and unconsciousness. She could faintly hear voices as she drifted, some she knew and others she didn't. Even though she knew deep down that it wasn't possible, she listened for Derek's voice. She had missed his voice terribly over the last year.

Finally, her green eyes opened once more. The room was silent for once but Meredith was greeted by the sight of a strange woman. She wore navy blue scrubs with a white coat, her hair was a sandy blonde and her skin was slightly tanned. Meredith had never seen her before.

The woman turned and Meredith noted that she wore black geeky glasses. "Ah, Doctor Grey, you're awake." The stranger said as she moved over to check on Meredith. Once the stranger was close enough, Meredith noted that her eyes were a stormy gray. "Do you know where you are?"

"Yes," Meredith answered. "I'm in Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital."

The woman paused. "Do you know your name?"

"Meredith Grey." Meredith answered once more, feeling annoyed.

"What do you remember last?" She asked, stepping closer as she wrote in her clipboard.

Meredith turned to give her an odd look. "I don't know who you are."

"Oh silly me, I forgot to introduce myself. I'm Doctor Kalin Coven. Now, same question. What do you remember last?" Doctor Coven said with a warm smile. Meredith noted that she was a little too geeky to be a doctor.

"I was at my sister's wedding. I was talking to my other sister who believes the guy we both like likes her back but he's really interested in me." Meredith explained, rolling her eyes. Meredith sounded bitter.

Doctor Coven watched her for a short moment. "Meredith, may I call you Meredith?" Meredith gave her a nod. "You were in a terrible plane crash-"

"That was four years ago. Why are you bringing it back up?" Meredith frowned at the woman. "Get out!"

Doctor Coven wished to continue to speak but she listened to her patient and left the room. Outside, Derek was waiting with a hopeful look on his face. "Is she alright? Can I go in?" He asked. Doctor Coven asked him to stay outside while she checked Meredith over. If the woman woke, Doctor Coven had wanted Derek out of the room. Meredith had fainted last time she had saw Derek.

"I think it would be best to let her rest." Doctor Coven said before she went to check on Mark once more.

Derek turned to look through the door window, to watch as his wife sat on her bed with her arms crossed. _I wish I could provide you comfort, Mere._ Derek thought with a sigh.

~x~

After the minor freak out at Doctor Coven, Meredith felt very confused. Where was everyone? Why hadn't Alex come to visit her? Maybe everyone was busy with their jobs.

Alex was Head of Peds; Jackson was Head of Plastics; April was pregnant and a trauma surgeon; Callie had left with Sofia; Arizona was Head of Fetal Surgery; Bailey was the Chief; Owen and Amelia were on their honeymoon; and well, Richard helped Meredith teach the interns and residents.

She sighed as she turned to watch the television. On the screen, _Friends_ was on as a rerun. When the door opened, Meredith turned her head, expecting to see the tiny Doctor Coven enter but instead there stood Cristina Yang. "Cristina?" Meredith asked in a gasp. "What are you doing here?"

"I took a break and came to visit my person." Cristina said simply as she moved over to sit beside Meredith. "Is Doctor Coven taking care of you?"

"She's fine. Really short though, like Bailey short." Meredith commented. "Is she taller than Bailey?"

Cristina shrugged. "I haven't seen them together. Bailey's been busy with her job."

 _She is the Chief_ , Meredith thought. "I should've known that. So what's new?"

"We're suing the hospital." Cristina said simply.

"What? Why?" Meredith asked, feeling awfully confused. "The hospital hasn't done anything to us!"

Cristina was about to put some sense into her person's head when Doctor Coven entered the room once more. Meredith turned to the woman. Cristina shook her head, knowing that she could harm Meredith more if she didn't think this through properly. "I'll talk to you later, Mere." And Cristina left.

Doctor Coven walked over to Meredith to check her vitals. "Why is Cristina suing the hospital?" Meredith asked. "The last time anyone sued the hospital, it was because of a plane crash."

Doctor Coven paused. "What do you remember of this plane crash?"

"It was horrible," Meredith had no idea why she was telling the blonde. Maybe it was the kind aura she gave off. "My sister died and so did her boyfriend. Or well, ex-boyfriend but they wanted to be together." Meredith explained. "Derek almost completely ruined his hand. Arizona lost her leg. Cristina and I almost died…we all did."

The blonde stared at Meredith with shock in her eyes. "Meredith, what year is it?"

"Well isn't that a silly question," Meredith rolled her eyes. "It's 2016."

Doctor Coven shook her head, "No dear, it's 2012." She passed the woman a newspaper that was sitting in her room.

Meredith was in shock as she picked up the newspaper and looked at the date. It was in fact, 2012. She was unable to speak as she turned to Doctor Coven for answers. "You were in a coma, Mere. You almost died." She whipped her head to turn to her undead husband. Derek moved towards her but Meredith pushed back against her bed. "Mere, please. Please listen to me!"

"I saw you die, Derek! I had to unplug you because you were dead!" Meredith's eyes filled with tears. She couldn't begin to understand what was happening around her. "I'm moving on! What about the kids? Oh god! I'm going crazy!"

Doctor Coven had to sedate her. Meredith was having a panic attack and it wasn't good for her heart. Doctor Coven turned to Derek. "I told you to stay out of her room. You could have caused permanent damage. We may never get Meredith back because you couldn't follow orders." Doctor Coven frowned deeply. "Doctor Shepherd, you are not allowed back in this room until I say so. Until then, you are banned from this room."

"What? You can't do that! She's my wife!" Derek expressed, frowning deeply.

"And I'm her doctor. Get out now before I call security!" Derek huffed and left the room, feeling like a kicked puppy. Doctor Coven closed her eyes and sighed, reaching to touch Meredith's hand. "I'm sorry honey. I'm going to do everything I can to get you back, alright? Don't you worry."

 **Up Next** : _**The Coma**_ : Meredith wakes up with many questions for Doctor Coven about her supposed coma. Answers are given and Meredith isn't sure if this is fate giving her a second chance or if this is her personal hell for unplugging Derek.

 **Thank you everyone for your lovely reviews! They made me all smile! I hope you enjoyed chapter 2! Also, I'm sorry for the way this story was messing up earlier. I have no idea why, honestly. :(**

 _ **Reviews**_ :

 **mandy67** : I'm glad you think so! :D I hope this was good for you!

 **Patsy** : Yes, I'm glad Derek is alive as well. This story idea has been kicking around my head since his death. I joke with my story about this idea but she says she wishes it would happen. So here it is!

 **Prina** : Thank you for the review!

 **Melanie** : I guess you'll have to stick around to find out where I'm headed. ;)

 **Curious Kitten** : I'm glad you love it! And I'm glad to hear from you! Thank you for the review!

 **zajaacLulu** : Interesting username. ;) I'm glad you like it and think this is interesting. I hope to keep your attention.

 **Gretchen** : This universe won't be too sad for Meredith…or will it? She may just be labeled insane lol

 **Gina** : I'm sorry that this story messed up for you. I didn't mean for that to happen. Ugh. Fanfiction has been acting weird…I hope this chapter finds you safely!

 **Sav** : Glad you like it!

 **Guest** : You'll have to read to find out ;)

 **Samantha** : My best friend has the same name as your username. :) She's in college now… Anyway, thank you for the review! Here is your new chapter!

 **Guest** (who reviewed Hidden Truths but meant to review this): I did try to fix it. I deleted the story and the re-uploaded it. It seems fixed now. I'm glad you like this though! It means a lot to me! And no, why would I change my username? I've had it since…2012-ish? Besides, I love it lol!

 **Please review,**

 **xoxo**

 **Nerdy~**


	3. The Coma

**What Is Real and What Isn't?**

A/N: I only Kalin Coven. Everything else belongs to Shonda!

~x~

 **Chapter 3: The Coma**

Meredith awoke expecting to hear her children in their bedroom, needing her attention ASAP. She even expected to hear from Nathan after the whole wedding thing. Were _they_ even a thing? Meredith felt like she was moving on from Derek but then there was that weird dream. She grumbled to herself, trying to ignore the whole 'Derek being alive' dream that she had had last night after too much tequila she was sure.

The first thing Meredith saw when she opened her eyes was white. She closed them right away before opening them, ready for the whiteness. She was confused about the color since her room was a dark rich brown with hints of blue, Meredith's favorite color on Derek. Instead, she was in a hospital room and she was utterly confused.

She turned to look around and found Cristina sleeping in the chair beside her bed. As she studied her person, she noted several changes. For one, Cristina looked younger but still very stressed. Even though it had been years since Meredith had set eyes on her person, she still tried to Skype her as much as possible.

"Cristina?" Meredith asked when Cristina began to stir. "What the hell are you doing here? What about your work in Zurich?"

Cristina slowly opened her eyes and locked them onto Meredith. Emotions were written all over Cristina's tired face - whatever was going on in Zurich, Cristina was stressing over it. "I'm here because you're in the hospital, Meredith."

"I'm in the hospital?!" Meredith asked, sounding very alarmed. She sat up and noticed that Cristina was telling the truth - Meredith was in a hospital room and in a hospital gown. "Why am I in the hospital? I was at the wedding…and then I just fainted….did I hit my head?"

Cristina, who was not a touchy-feely person, reached forward and touched Meredith's hand. "I'm going to grab Doctor Coven. She'll be able to answer all of your questions."

"Why can't you answer my questions? And you never answered me why you're here! I'm fine, Cristina, why would you leave your dream to come here?" Meredith was very confused. Cristina could only shake her head before getting up, squeezed Meredith's hand once, and then left to go find Doctor Coven.

Meredith could see people outside of her room, looking in at her and she was utterly confused by this all. She moved to get out of her bed and she fell to the floor when she tried to stand. Her legs were weak and when she looked at them, she noticed how bruised they were. What exactly was going on here?

"Meredith, what are you doing out of bed?" Doctor Coven asked, moving over to help Meredith back into bed.

"Why am I in the hospital for fainting? And why are my legs so bruised and weak? And don't give me a bullshit answer!" Meredith was growing very annoyed with the doctors here. Why couldn't they give her a straight answer? "Oh god, what about my kids? Are they okay? Can I see them?"

Doctor Coven chewed her lip as she helped Meredith lay back down onto the bed. "Meredith, you were in an accident. Your daughter is fine-"

"Which daughter? Is Zola okay? Is Ellis okay? Oh god…what about Bailey?!" Meredith sounded so worried. "Is Maggie looking after them?"

"Who is Maggie?" Doctor Coven asked, looking confused by the name.

"My sister! _ARE MY KIDS OKAY?!_ " She shouted at the doctor. "Get me Alex! GET ME ALEX KAREV!"

Doctor Coven nodded her head and moved to go tell a nurse to page Alex.

~x~

When Alex finally arrived, Meredith was nearly ready to pull out the wires in her arms and go search for him herself. Alex was in his navy scrubs, looking tired but also powerful; she knew the look well because she wore it every time she had a successful surgery. "Alex! Where the hell have you been?" Meredith demanded.

She frowned when Alex didn't reply right away, going straight to her side and taking her hand. "Mere, why'd you yell at Doctor Coven?"

Meredith frowned, "She wasn't giving me the answers I needed. Are my kids okay? Is Maggie looking after them?" She asked with worry.

Alex squeezed her hand gently. "Zola's fine. Now, I will bring Doctor Coven back into the room to answer your questions and I will stay with you. But I don't want you have any more outbursts. What she has to say is very important, Mere. Like _really_ important." Alex stressed.

"Fine, I'll listen! But when can I see my kids?" Meredith just wanted to see with her own eyes that Zola, Bailey and Ellis were alright. "Is Bailey and Ellis alright?"

Unsure how to answer, Alex just nodded and went to fetch Doctor Coven. He returned with the short woman who was smiling and fleshed from something someone had said to her. "How are we feeling today, Meredith?" Doctor Coven asked.

"Fine," Meredith watched the woman closely. "When can I see my kids?"

Doctor Coven knew she had to make Meredith understand that things weren't like she thought they were. Alex grabbed Meredith's hand once more as Doctor Coven spoke. "After we talk, I'll have Alex go fetch your child…ren."

Meredith eyed her before she nodded. "Let's get this over with then." She sighed.

Doctor Coven pulled out Meredith's chart, and then stood in front of her bed. "Do you remember what we talked about yesterday?"

"You were saying nascence. You said it wasn't 2016 which is impossible." Meredith raved. She noticed the grim expression on her doctor's face. "What?" She looked at Alex and he was wearing the same expression.

"I know it is hard to believe, but it _isn't_ 2016\. You were in a coma, Meredith. You were in a plane crash and ended up going into a coma, from injuries that were far worse than we first thought." Doctor Coven explained. Meredith went to open her mouth but Alex gave her the look.

"How do I know that's true?" Meredith asked. Alex showed Meredith his phone and the date on it. She sucked in a deep breath as it settled; she had been in a coma and it wasn't 2016. She looked up and swallowed. "Is…is Lexie dead?"

Doctor Coven smiled sadly. "Your sister passed away, I'm sorry for your loss."

"Is Mark dead too?" Meredith asked with worry. Was she doomed to repeat the last four years?

"Doctor Sloan is recovering just down the hall," Doctor Coven smiled gently. "He just recently woke from a coma too."

If Mark was alive, and this was 2012, that meant… "Derek's alive too? I…in my err…coma, I…Derek died. I just was coming to…terms." Meredith tried to explain. "It's hard to wrap my head around this."

"Derek is perfectly fine, healthy even. His hand is still healing but he should be able to return to the OR soon enough." Doctor Coven reassured Meredith. "What else happened in this life?"

"I had three children. Zola, Bailey and Ellis. Cristina had left…to move away. I had two sisters, Maggie and Amelia. Amelia is Derek's youngest sister and Maggie…she is Richard Webber's daughter that he had with my mother but Maggie was given away." Meredith explained. She had a faraway look in her eyes. "So everything that happened in my…dream land, never actually happened?"

"I'm afraid so," Doctor Coven said. "But it sounds like that this might be a good thing."

Meredith looked up and locked eyes with her doctor. "Could I see my husband? I'd…I'd like to talk to him." Meredith swallowed.

"Of course." Doctor Coven nodded and she left.

Alex looked at Meredith. "What was my life like in this world?" He asked curiously.

"You were Head of Peds," Meredith flashed him a weak smile. "And trying to ask the girl you fell in love with to marry you. Jo Wilson."

Alex laughed, "Jo? Seriously? She isn't my type. She's too much like a princess."

 _He doesn't know her at this point_. Meredith reminded herself. Jo was just an intern at this point. "You never know." She replied.

"Your dreamland killed off Mark Sloan and Derek Shepherd, I think I'll stick to my gut here. Jo isn't my type." Alex joked.

It was nice to have him by her side.

 **Up Next** : _**The Truth**_ : Now coming to terms with the truth, Meredith now must face her worst fear: Derek Shepherd.

 **Before people freak out, no I will not be putting Alex with Jo. I dislike Jo SO much! I actually** _ **hate**_ **her and yes, Lexie isn't alive in this fic. I wanted to stick to canon but switch it up a little. And I'm sorry for the wait, a lot of family issues came up that I'm not willing to get into right now. Just know a few months ago, my sister tried to kill herself, attacked me, my parents were thinking about getting divorced and school was attacking me from all angles all in one week. So, I wasn't updating.**

 **But here is the long-awaited chapter three! I hope you enjoyed!**

 **REVIEWS:**

Gale123: Yup, here's the update.

Menezeseduarda12376: Glad to hear it!

AilynAlonso: I hope this chapter cleared that up, because yes, Lexie is dead.

Meredith Grey: It's just something I do to respond to people. That's all.

Patsy: Glad to hear it! I hope this was good enough for you! :D

ManhattanStreetLights: Thanks, I hope you enjoyed this chapter and future chapters

Beth: How were you confused?

Gretchen: I was dying to read an Alive!Derek story too. There aren't much that make sense if that makes sense. Lol

Gina: Glad to hear you're ready for this! Haha

Greysfann: You really think so?

Guest: You really, truly, think so?

Patsy: Things will change for Meredith and Derek, as she has "seen the future". She won't let him go any time soon. Thanks for the review!

Guest: Yay!

MerderCute: I love seeing Derek alive too. I'm glad to hear that you love it just as much I am loving writing it.

 **Please review, I love hearing everyone's thoughts about this story!**

 **Xoxo,**

 **Nerdy~**


	4. The Truth

**What Is Real and What Isn't?**

 **Chapter 4: The Truth**

Meredith was tired. She wanted to believe what Alex was saying, that what she had assumed was real was all just some nightmare that she had created, that Derek wasn't dead. She remembered faintly seeing him before passing out but she was also scared. What if Derek expected her to be bright and shiny? _Could_ she be bright and shiny?

Was she even in love him with anymore?

All of these questions hurt her head. She sighed as she turned on her right side, burying her face into the pillow. Alex had been called away for a surgery and this left Meredith all alone. Doctor Coven had offered to fetch Derek but Meredith had simply said she wasn't ready to face her apparently not dead husband. Doctor Coven had uttered it was fine to be nervous before disappearing. Apparently, Doctor Coven was tending to Mark Sloan as well.

 _I can't believe Mark's alive_ … That was something that had been a shock to her system. Mark Sloan had passed away years ago, she had come to terms with his and her sister's deaths. Hell, after his death, Callie had leaned onto Meredith and Derek for support with Sofia and the trouble that Arizona was causing. _I wonder if Arizona still has her leg…_

There was a gentle knock before Cristina swept into the room, a blur of black curls and then her terrified expression. "Cristina? What's wrong?" Meredith asked, suddenly wondering if maybe her dreamland was better than reality.

"It's Owen!" Cristina expressed a look of fear, flopping onto the chair Alex had been using before he had to leave. "He wants _babies_! Why do I have to keep telling him that I don't want them?"

This was something that Meredith hated about her person; she understood that Cristina was not mother material but before, in her dreamland, she had not been able to understand this and had fought Cristina about her wishes to have both the career and family life. Maybe this time Meredith could avoid the fight because she understood that Cristina was dealing with a lot right now. Owen was pressing her into a family and Cristina wanted to be the best Cardiothoracic Surgeon that she could.

"Mere, can you listen for one minute? I understand that you're dealing with this whole 'coming out of a coma' thing but I seriously need my person. You've been out for months! Can you focus for just a few minutes?" Cristina raved.

Meredith swallowed and nodded. "Sorry…"

Cristina eyed her. "Should I fetch Coven?"

"No! I'm fine." Meredith reassured her. "Maybe you should explain to Owen by sitting him down?"

"I've been trying to! I tell him all the time that I don't want kids, but he has always wanted kids." Cristina sighed.

Meredith looked away for a moment, thinking carefully. What could she say to help her friend? She finally looked at Cristina and reached over to touch her hand. It felt like it had been too long since she had last spoken face-to-face with her person. "I can't give you any answers, Cristina. You've gotta decide for yourself. This can either end your relationship or bring you closer. One of you is going to have to back down."

"I don't back down." Cristina reminded Meredith.

"I know that. You shouldn't have to give pieces of yourself to Owen or to any man." Meredith reassured her. "But I don't think it's right to make Owen unhappy either. He wants babies. You don't. So, one of you is going to have to give up your wishes and be unhappy."

Cristina looked just so sad. "Owen and I divorced in your dream world, didn't we?"

Meredith nodded. "Yeah…you moved away to Zurich and Owen married Amelia."

"Did she want babies?" Cristina asked quietly, looking away from Meredith and to the window.

"She's a Shepherd. Isn't that built in their DNA?" Meredith tried to joke, but she could see how upset Cristina was. "It is okay not to want kids, ya know. It's not for everyone."

"I love Owen, Mere. I love him so much…" Cristina sighed and closed her eyes. "But I'd never be a good mother. Not like you with Zola. I'd be like Ellis Grey. I'm not built to be a mother."

Meredith frowned. "I'd never let you be like my mother, Cris. If you ever had any kids, you'd love them a lot in your own way. I never thought I'd be a good mother…and sure, two of my kids are imaginary but still! Zola is my daughter and I love her. Just like you'd love any child you had."

Slowly, the Asian woman stood and simply shook her head, feeling very heavy with emotion and very confused. "I should go, I have surgeries…" And then Cristina rushed from the room, unsure how she should go about this whole baby and Owen thing.

Now left alone, Meredith looked to the window and sighed heavily. She closed her eyes and let herself fall into a light sleep.

~x~

"Grey."

Her eyes fluttered open and she turned to look at the door, feeling confused about who was calling her. She found Mark Sloan in a wheel chair in the doorway, looking better than what she remembered before he died. She flashed him a small smile, "McSteamy. I didn't think you'd be here to visit me."

Mark chuckled. "I heard from a little birdy that you've seen the future."

"Not a very nice future, Sloan. If it was true, you'd be dead." Meredith shrugged her shoulders.

"Should I be offended that you killed me off?" Mark pushed his wheelchair further into the room and Meredith moved to sit up.

She shook her head. "I killed Derek off too."

Mark winced, "So what is a world without Derek and I like?"

"Dark and gloomy and very…un-Mc-anything." Meredith sighed. "We had three kids, did you know that? We had the perfect life until he chose the President over our family. But…that's a long story."

He watched as she looked away and to the window before her green eyes drifted back to him. "Something very similar happened to me." Mark admitted. Meredith looked surprised. "I uh, my life…I lived in my dreamland, obviously but… I met someone. I met Kali…"

"Kali? Who's Kali?" Meredith asked, watching the man carefully.

Mark swallowed thickly. "Doctor Coven. Well, her name's Kalin but I call her Kali. I felt guilty with her because Lexie died…and I thought I loved Lexie but what I had…have? With Kali, nothing could never compare." Mark tried to explain. "She made me feel so good, Grey. Yeah, Lexie made me feel amazing but there was always something missing…"

"It's okay to miss Lexie but also be happy." Meredith said quietly. Mark didn't look too sure. "I started falling in love with a guy named Nathan Riggs. He was Owen's ex-best friend…"

He blinked, surprised by this information. "Did you and this Riggs guy…were you a thing?"

"Sort of. See, my long-lost sister Maggie – really long story – was interested in him. So, I didn't try for anything with Riggs. It was just sex. Really amazing, breathtaking sex…" Meredith sighed. "I think you're the person who actually cares what happened to me in this life."

"Kali and I had two kids. We had a three-year-old daughter, her name was Elena and we had a newborn boy named Harry. Elena had been an accident, and we got married ten months before we had Harry." Mark explained, looking deep in thought. "It feels…it feels so strange not waking up to Elena's voice or hearing Harry's gurgles. Elena was just recently learning to color within the lines and she was speaking really well. She wanted to be a surgeon…she said she wanted to be just like her daddy."

Meredith could see the tears filling Mark's eyes at the thoughts of his non-existing children. She felt the same way about Ellis and Bailey. "Derek and I had two more kids: Bailey and Ellis. He died before meeting Ellis." Meredith said sadly. "I understand…"

"Thank you, Grey." Mark said trying to get a hold of his emotions. "It just feels so wrong not being able to kiss her or love her. She has no idea who I am or what sort of life we had together."

"At least you know she's real. The chance is still there for you to have your Elena and Harry again." Meredith sighed.

Mark locked eyes with Meredith. "Derek's here, Grey. He wants to see you, but Kali has you on lockdown. She won't let anyone come see you. I got in here because Tyler likes me and I bribed him." Mark rolled his eyes at the thought of the nurse. "You just gotta say the word and Derek will be here, beside you, with Zola."

Was she ready to see Derek? Could she handle seeing her husband? "I don't know how I feel anymore…it's been so long since I've seen him. I moved on." Meredith tried to explain. "I still love him, don't get me wrong Sloan. I'll always love Derek for the rest of my life but without him, I came to terms that I am not just some woman on his arm. I am much more than just Derek Shepherd's wife. I am a powerful woman, the Head of General Surgery! I am more than his slutty intern."

Mark was shocked by Meredith's confession. "It's okay not to be ready to see him." Mark said gently. "When I woke up and came to terms that it was all made up, that Elena and Harry weren't actually real, I thought for a brief moment that Lexie was alive and that I was going to have to pretend that I didn't have feelings, _very strong feelings_ , for another woman."

After that, both Mark and Meredith were quiet. They had bared their souls to the other and weren't sure what else to say. Both had moved on from their "soulmates"; Meredith to Nathan and Mark to Kalin. They both had pieced themselves together and made peace with their dead lovers. It seemed that fate wasn't just being cruel to Meredith; it seemed fate liked to play with Mark too and had ripped his dream life away from his fingers as some cruel joke.

Meredith wasn't sure how to feel about all this information. Mark could still find a way back to Kalin but Meredith had her husband, alive and well, and she wasn't sure if she wanted to be with him anymore. He had cheated on her before he died. He had left her behind for a future that he wanted, never looked back; was this the man that Meredith really wanted to be with? Could she handle losing him for the second time around?

Mark and Meredith sat in silence until Doctor Coven arrived to check on Meredith. Mark couldn't look at the small woman, and now Meredith could understand why. It hurt too much, she supposed. "Mark! What are you doing out of your bed?" Doctor Coven asked with surprise.

"I wanted to see if it was true, that Meredith had seen the future." Mark explained, looking at the wall beside Coven's head.

Meredith could see the walls rising around Mark; she felt so terrible. What would it be like to be so close to the person you loved but they had no idea who you were? She didn't even want to think about it.

"Doctor Grey is a very confused woman who needs medical attention. Tyler! Could you bring Doctor Sloan back to his room?" Doctor Coven asked.

Meredith frowned. Mark puffed out a sigh but he didn't fight Tyler on bringing him back to his room. "I'm not confused." Meredith said, earning a look of surprise from the short woman. "Okay, maybe for a minute there I was but I am _not_ confused. Anyone who went through what I did has the right to be a little confused for a minute."

Doctor Coven nodded, "Of course." She tried to smile but she looked very nervous. Meredith could see that her stormy grey eyes were darker in color and she wondered what was up with this skittish woman. "So you've been quite the popular woman." She tried changing the subject. "It's like I have to fight people off to give you your privacy."

"You don't have to." Meredith shrugged. "I miss my friends. It's nice seeing Cris after so long…that reminds me, how is Arizona? I haven't seen her."

Doctor Coven blinked and then nodded, pushing some loose hair behind her ear. "Yes, Doctor Robbins. She wasn't my patient but I did check on her after being called here by Callie. She's doing much better."

Meredith watched Coven closely. "Callie?"

"We were roommates back in college." Doctor Coven explained. "I'm working on a trail to wake comatose patients. Callie read some of my work and asked me to come as a favor."

Meredith nodded, now having a better understanding of why Coven was here. "I…in my dream world, Arizona lost her leg because of the crash. Is that still true here…?" If it was true, Arizona and Callie wouldn't be staying together much longer.

Doctor Coven shook her head. "Not at all, Doctor Robbins is fine. She lost some mobility from the crash and surgeries after being found, but she still has her leg." Doctor Coven explained. "I believe she should gain full function of her leg again."

 _That is amazing…_ Meredith let out a sigh. _Maybe Callie and Arizona won't fight this time around… It sucked last time around_.

Callie didn't deserve to be cheated on by Arizona after what George did to her with Izzie. People may paint George as a saint, but he had his own moments and was just as stupid as any man. _Stupid boy penises_ …

"Mark said that Derek wanted to see me…?" Meredith swallowed thickly, knowing that she would need to face her husband soon.

"Yes, Doctor Shepherd is…very eager but I think it would be best to give you some more time to heal." Doctor Coven explained. "You went through a huge trauma and the first thing you did when you saw him was faint. I'm worried that if you see him again, you may very well faint and go back into a coma."

 _Would it be so wrong? Yes, a world without Derek is hard and I hated every minute of it…but the thought of him dying again? Or worse…not being able to love him back? I can't do it…_ Meredith thought with a grieve expression on her face. "I would like to see him…" She would need to suck it up. "But could Zola come with him?"

Doctor Coven looked unsure. "I…Doctor Grey, I strongly suggest that you wait a little longer before you see your husband. I know you must miss him terribly, I would if I was you, but as your doctor, I think that seeing him may trigger another fainting spell that might last longer."

"I hear and understand you." Meredith said firmly. "But I miss my husband. He died in this world my brain created… And, the best way I've learned to heal is to go headfirst into the thing I'm afraid of. Otherwise, how am I supposed to learn and grow?"

 _I've survived a bomb, a shooting, a plane crash… I can survive seeing Derek._ Meredith firmly told herself. _Can't I?_

"Why don't we first bring Zola in with Doctor Yang or Doctor Karev? That way you still see your daughter, and we can wait a little longer for Doctor Shepherd." Coven pleaded.

Meredith frowned. "Fine, but I want to see her tomorrow. And the next day, I'd like to see Derek. He must be going crazy."

Still, the blonde did not look sure but she nodded. "You should get some rest before dinner is served. You want all the energy you can get when you see your daughter." Doctor Coven said before she disappeared.

Meredith was once more, left in her thoughts before she fell asleep once again, dreaming about seeing Zola.

~x~

 **Up Next:** _ **The Visit:**_ Zola comes to see Meredith and things get real emotional.

 **Hey everyone, another long-awaited chapter. Don't get mad, but I really have a hard time writing for this sometimes but I got lost in writing this chapter near the end. I really liked writing about Mark's dream world with Kali. Who liked it? This story is mostly Meredith-central. So, it's mostly her thoughts, feelings and how she views what is happening to her.**

 **Anyway, just wanted to let you guys know, the more you review…the more likely I will update. ;)**

 **REVIEWS:**

Guest: Thank you. But, I like to think that my _Chances Are_ or _Hidden Truths_ are much better. I got really into them.

Samantha: What do you mean "Meredith's and Derek's chat"? But, I'm glad to hear that you're enjoying it. I hope you aren't too mad about the whole Meredith not being sure if she wants to be with Derek… haha. DON'T KILL ME!

Gina: I'm glad! I love making people's days haha. I can't say much on where this is going since even I don't really know but read on and you'll find out…when I update… lol

Greysfannn: I hope so too. Merder babies are the best.

Gretchen: I'm glad to be back. After my laptop broke, I lost interest in writing but I'm coming back to myself. Also, grade 12 is kicking my ass so it takes longer to write stuff out.

Sarah Grey-Shepherd: Thank you. I hope you enjoyed this chapter!

Patsy: Thank you, I'm glad. I wish this had happened on the show too, but I don't think Shonda wants to rewrite everything for the past three seasons. But there's a reason why we have fanfiction! Anyway, not sure who I will pair Alex with. I have a feeling I may bring Addison back…but she's with Jake now sooo…she's outta the question. Maybe I'll make a character up for Alex. He deserves someone amazing and honestly, Jo isn't it. I hope you enjoyed this chapter!

 **Give me ideas on who I should pair Alex with. Also, people have asked about merder babies. Maybe? I have no idea. Should I bring Riggs in earlier? Should Cristina and Owen work out? LET ME KNOW DOWN BELOW! Please, just let me know 'cause it helps me write. Anyway, love you all! Bye!**

 **Xoxo,**

 **Nerdy~**


	5. The Visit

**What Is Real and What Isn't?**

Chapter 5: The Visit

After fighting with Doctor Coven about seeing Zola, Meredith had fallen asleep; it was a dreamless state of sleep and Meredith longed to see her children from her dream world. So, when Meredith woke up, alone and cold, she felt tears flood her eyes but she quickly blinked them away.

 _Grey's don't cry_.

She swallowed back her emotions and turned to look out the window; it was raining outside and she felt sad. Her life had been such a hectic ride until this point, and she just wanted to lay down and not get up; however, Meredith knew that she couldn't. She was a Grey and Grey's fought like hell.

A quick glance at the clock informed her that it was around 4 am. With a loud sigh, Meredith sat up and shifted on the bed.

 _I really need to pee_ …

Deciding that she didn't need a nurse's help, Meredith attempted to get up and walk to the bathroom; she was able to get to her feet and stood in front of the bed, gripping onto her IV but when she took her first step, she collapsed.

No one was around to see her shame, but no one was around to help her to her feet. So, Meredith laid on the cold floor, shivering and wishing she was back in her dream world.

~x~

It was during rounds that Doctor Coven found Meredith on the ground, half frozen and teeth chattering loudly. "Meredith?!" Doctor Coven expressed loudly before rushing to help the shivering woman. As Doctor Coven helped Meredith, shouting at the resident following her to get her some nurses, that Doctor Coven felt the wet liquid that Meredith had tried to relieve herself of.

Meredith felt her cheeks redden and she looked away, unable to look at her doctor knowing that Doctor Coven had felt her urine.

"Why are you out of bed? Don't you understand that your body's muscle mass has weakened?!" Doctor Coven looked very worried as nurses arrived. She ordered them to help her and get Meredith to the showers, kicking the interns and resident out of the room.

"I had to pee!" Meredith scowled, feeling very embarrassed. "And I hate being stuck in that bed. Sloan gets to wander around the hospital!"

Doctor Coven sighed loudly. The nurses stripped Meredith down and placed her in the warm bath. "Doctor Sloan has had time to regain his muscle mass back. You have not."

"Well it isn't like you're giving me much choice." Meredith hissed at the doctor, still shivering from the cold air that had attacked her in the early morning.

Doctor Coven sighed and shook her head, "Once I know you won't fall back into a coma, I will let you wander around the hospital just like Doctor Sloan. Now, if you promise to behave, Doctor Karev says he will be bringing your daughter to see you."

"I'll get to see Zola?" As much as Meredith wanted to fight the nurses, she settled down after hearing about Zola. The nurses cleaned her up while Meredith thought of Zola. "Will Derek be with her?"

Doctor Coven sighed, "I don't know. Are you ready to see him?"

Meredith shivered as the nurse cleaned her up and she chewed her lip. "I want to be ready. I love Derek, I always will… but… in the coma, I felt ready to move on. I _had_ moved on… I feel guilty because Derek deserves way better than me."

Doctor Coven smiled gently, wishing to provide comfort to the woman. "Let's see how your visit with Zola goes and then we'll talk about Derek." She offered. Meredith nodded and let the nurses dry her off before dressing her. "Are you excited?"

"I've missed Zola so much!" Meredith admitted as she was set back in her room, cleaned and warm. The nurse placed a few extra blankets on her body to warm her faster. "Do you think she's missed me too?"

"She is your daughter. Children miss their parents…" Doctor Coven had a faraway look in her eyes.

"Do you have any kids?" Meredith found herself asking, forgetting that that was a private question to some people.

Doctor Coven blinked as she turned to Meredith. "I…uh… Once. She um, didn't make it."

"I'm sorry to hear that." Meredith apologized.

Doctor Coven shook her head, "It's fine. She passed away in her sleep when she was a few weeks old. I didn't have much choice." Doctor Coven reassured Meredith. "Now, how are you feeling this morning?"

Meredith wondered if in Mark's dreamland, Coven had had a daughter that had died.

~x~

 _She's late. What if something happened? What if she doesn't want to see me?_

Meredith kept glancing over at the clock across the room, checking every few minutes to see how late Alex was with Zola. She flipped open her phone and checked, wincing when she found that there were no messages from Alex.

 _Where are they?!_

They were supposed to be here over an hour ago and still there was nothing. Had something happened? Was something wrong? Right when Meredith was going to look at her phone again, Alex and Zola entered.

"Mommy!" Zola shouted with joy, stumbling over to her mother and climbing into bed. Alex smiled gently, shaking his head as he walked forward and helped Zola into Meredith's bed.

"Sorry we're late, Zola wanted to get you something." Alex placed the present on the nightstand and Zola cuddled into her mother's side.

Meredith didn't care. Her daughter was in her arms now and she was so happy. She placed a kiss on Zola's forehead and smiled. "Hey baby. How are you?"

"Missed you mommy." Zola murmured against Meredith's chest. "Daddy said you was sick. Said he couldn't help you brain."

Meredith rubbed her back, wishing to help her and she felt tears flood her eyes. "I'm okay now, Zola. Mommy is better." And she enjoyed the feeling of her daughter in her arms, closing her eyes and just held her close.

~x~

Meredith refused to let Zola go the whole time; it had fallen to Alex to get food for them and let them rest. Zola was content to just be held and relished in the attention her mother was showering her in. When it was time to say goodbye, Zola promised her mom to come back tomorrow. Meredith couldn't help but weep quietly against Zola's curls when her daughter hugged her goodbye.

What if this was all made up? What if Zola was just like Bailey and Ellis? What if they took her from Meredith too?

Alex waved and brought Zola to Derek, leaving Meredith alone. Meredith fell against her pillows and covered her face, feeling utterly drained. She wanted to just see her husband but something kept nagging at her, what if she saw him and then realized that she didn't love him anymore?

What if she wasn't good enough for Derek Shepherd anymore? What would or could she do then?

Just thinking about Derek made her head hurt. She rolled onto her side and continued to think about Derek. She wanted him back. She missed seeing him. She missed feeling his arms around her. Meredith glanced over to the door and the window beside it; the view was the nurses' station but more than that, it was Derek. He was working on charts at the nurses' station, sticking close to her room.

It made her heart race. He was still her husband. They had vowed to never run away from each other and she wanted to keep her vows. Meredith, against better judgement, pulled the wheelchair beside her bed close enough to her to get out of her bed. While Zola was here, they had decided to go for a short stroll around the wing. Derek had been in surgery so Coven didn't bite Meredith's or Alex's heads off.

She winced as she moved onto the chair; another glance out the window reassured her that she was ready. She missed Derek. As she settled, she began to wheel herself to the door.

 _Please let Coven be busy…_ Meredith begged. She pulled open the door and then she pushed forward, her green eyes locking on Derek's blue ones. It was time to face her worst fear and the love of her life.

"Meredith…" It felt good hearing him say her name.

~x~

 **Up Next:** _ **The Confrontation**_ : Meredith must confront her fear and decide: does she stay with Derek or move on?

 **Hey everyone. So, I'm 18 now. I'm OLD. LOL. I'm sorry that it's taken me so long to write, but I just couldn't think of how to write Zola/Meredith so you got a gloss over. But, to be honest, you are only reading this for MerDer aren't you? Oh, well.**

 **REVIEWS**

Guest: Thank you for your input. I never much liked Izzie but I will think about it.

Guest: Thanks, but to be honest with you, my favorite is _Hidden Truths_. I love it. Sure, this is good, I guess? But not my favorite. And yes, I've started a lot of them. I just sort of was looking for something to write, to see if I could get back into the swing of things.

Gretchen: I hope you enjoyed this and made your day (evening? It's evening where I live).

Samantha: I have a soft spot for Meredith and Derek too, just like I have a soft spot for Meredith and Mark (yes I'm a fan, don't kill me!). I've been playing around with the idea of a Meredith/Mark fic, but I haven't decided, lol.

Greysfann: Thank you. Meredith and Derek will "meet" next chapter. ;)

Allisson: No, Kalin is not interested in Derek nor is Derek interested in Kalin. She just wants what is best for her patient and the last time Meredith saw Derek, she fainted, remember?

Patsy: Been playing around with the idea of Ellis and Bailey, but I haven't decided. As for Maggie, NO WAY. I hate her and her character. Like, more than I hate Izzie and Lexie PUT TOGETHER. You've read other fics of mine, you know I hate those two but Maggie? Hate her more. As for Nathan, haven't decided if he will come into the show or not… hmm…

Merdercute: No, in the show, Meredith did not fall in love with Riggs, but she did come to terms that she is moving on from Derek with Riggs. I feel like that, as a person, Meredith has grown since Derek died on the show. She has moved on and is coming to terms with that, which makes sense. All we have seen on the show is Meredith needing Derek to function and now with him gone, she is her own person. I feel that Meredith would have trouble letting that go. Also, she moved on from her husband. Wouldn't you be afraid and nervous to see him after moving on? Even if it was in her head, she still felt it was real. Just like Mark missing his children, Elena and Harry; they're not real but to him, they were. Yes, I can agree that MerDer is an awesome couple but I can also say that there were times that they were...not so good. At one point, I rooted for Addison/Derek. But again, I also love Meredith with Derek. It's an opinion. You can't say its fact or true, because there are people, LIKE ME, who ship other ships. Like, Mark/Meredith. I ADORE Mark/Meredith. But, for this story, it is aimed for Meredith and her journey as a person. She's grown A LOT. That being said, I never said that Meredith wouldn't have Ellis and Bailey with Derek. But in this point in the show, they haven't been born. And Meredith isn't on the whole having more babies train yet. Remember? She just woke up from a coma. She is coming to terms that her some of her children aren't real, that her husband is alive, and that her world has changed. She's basically gone back in time. Also, I never put Derek as a bad guy. Sure, he is sort of a bad guy near the end. Let's be realistic! He cheated on her, he left her, and he basically told her her dreams didn't matter. He wasn't so McDreamy near the end. He was more McAss. UGH. But, I still love Derek as a character and I miss him. He will be coming back, but we need to give Meredith some time to come to terms with everything happening. Her world is shifting. I myself love writing realistic things and I feel that Meredith would need some time to think and come to terms with stuff. Basically, to her, her husband has come back from the dead just when she thinks she can be happy with Nathan Riggs. I do not ship them whatsoever, but I do like the thought of Meredith finally being happy after Derek. She deserves it. And Nathan isn't such a bad guy, sure his character can be annoying and a little...how should I say this? A repeat. Basically, he's Mark to Owen but in a different way. Weird but that's how it feels to me. Just like Maggie is another Lexie. ANYWAY, I felt I should answer you directly because I felt your review was a little rude and needed to be addressed. Just because I don't instantly put Meredith and Derek together doesn't mean I made him the badguy nor does it mean they won't be getting together. THIS IS A MERDER FIC! But I will be writing it at my own pace. I will be writing Meredith as I see her. She is a grown woman in her dreamworld and needs some time to come to terms. I can't stress this enough. I also wanted to point out that your review is hard to follow. But I got the just. You can continue to read this fic is you'd like, all the power to you, but I will be writing at my pace. I will have things go the way I wish. I was asking for reader's ideas because I like hearing your thoughts, feelings and such. But I also want to keep true to the story. Like the whole Cristina and Owen fighting about babies, for example. Likewise, I like keeping characters as themselves, as people. I hate mary sues and gary sues and characters who just jump together. Like no, that doesn't happen in real life. So now knowing how I roll, the ball is in your court. You can continue or not. The choice is yours. But my Meredith will continue to struggle with her feelings and thoughts, will continue to think of what she wants to do and be her own person. My Meredith will take time before she decides if or when she will be with Derek again. Because, I think it would be an injustice to just throw Meredith and Derek together. Love is no fairy-tale, no matter how much we want it to be.

Lissa46068: That would be better interesting… I've never thought of it. I was thinking about maybe Alex/Meredith but I made this fic so Derek and Meredith could be together. As for Kalin having feelings for Derek, it isn't true. She is meant for Mark *heart*

 **I also haven't been writing as much for this fic because of a certain reviewer. They upset me and made me mad. Like, you really will base your choice of reading on if Meredith and Derek get together? Like yeah, I get it, but still! I like realistic, and anyone who has read my fic's before know that. I take my time before characters get together. As I've pointed out, Meredith thought Derek died and she is feeling guilty. She moved on. She had sex with another man – even if this man was in her imagination,** _ **she still "cheated" on Derek!**_

 **But, I don't want to keep ranting. Anyway, please review and let me know your thoughts.**

 **Xoxo,**

 **Nerdy~**


	6. The Confrontation

**What Is Real and What Isn't?**

Chapter 6: The Confrontation

He looked… he looked just like she remembered. His hair was longer, more Dreamy than the last time she saw him, but he looked just like she remembered. He had less gray hairs, that was for sure, but his blue eyes looked more… welcoming, more loving. Meredith stared blankly at her husband for a long moment before she smiled at him. "Derek…"

The sound of his name on her lips sounded almost alien to her; saying his name and actually addressing him were two very different things and it made her heart race. Derek looked almost like a statue, watching her like a deer caught in the headlights; she just wanted to forget everything that had happened between him dying and this moment.

"Shouldn't you be in bed?" Derek asked, finally addressing why she was in a wheelchair and not in bed. Meredith didn't make a move and he began to make his way out from behind the nurses' station. "Meredith, is everything alright?"

She nodded. "Mhm hmm. I just, I wanted to see you." She tried to explain, staring at him unblinkingly. "Can we talk? I know Alex said he was bringing Zola to you…where is Zola?"

"She wanted something to eat and I was finishing up paperwork. Alex took her to the cafeteria." Derek was now standing just a few feet away from her. "We can talk. Meredith, I…"

Meredith smiled slightly at her husband, figuring that Derek had had a really tough time lately; she had been in a coma! Of course, Derek would be destressed. "Why don't we talk in a conference room or something? I… I just want to talk, Derek."

He nodded. He pushed Meredith's wheelchair into a nearby, empty conference room. Meredith felt uncomfortable under Derek's watchful eye; she kept thinking about what her doctor would say if she found out Meredith and Derek were together. Doctor Coven had her reasons for keeping them apart - Meredith _had_ fainted last time she set eyes on Derek – but she missed her husband. She hadn't set eyes on him for so long, it seemed.

"What do you want to talk about?" Derek asked.

Derek pushed her wheelchair to the edge of the table after pulling away from the chairs, giving her room at it; he took a seat beside her and gave her his undivided attention. Meredith in turn looked stony, staring at her husband as she tried to pinpoint where everything had gone wrong between them before. She supposed him choosing Washington over her hadn't been a good place, but if she remembered correctly, she had been mad at him before all of that. She _resented_ him…just like she had resented Cristina.

"How much did Doctor Coven tell you about… my issues?" Meredith begun, wishing to know how much Derek knew.

"Not much," Derek answered. "She avoids me as much as she can. She says she's busy, but whenever I corner her, somehow Mark pages her and needs her."

 _Okay, great. Now, where to start?_ Meredith wondered. She swallowed back her emotions, her fears, and focused on the possibility that this could be her happily ever after. Cristina would surely cackle at her for thinking such a thing if she knew. "In my coma, I… lived on. Things were different in my head. For one, Mark died after we were recused and Arizona lost her leg." Meredith began. "We sued the hospital, won, and then decided to _buy_ the hospital. We decided to rename it Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital."

Meredith could see the way Derek's hands twitched and she knew he wanted to hold her, but they were two very different people in this moment. Meredith felt so old and worn by this point, and Derek… he wasn't tainted like she was.

She continued. "I got pregnant shortly after, I uh… almost died. But, thanks to Bailey, I survived and we decided to name our son Bailey." She smiled at the memory, but the ache inside of her chest reminded her how much she missed her three children. "After we had Bailey, things…went downhill. For one, you were called by the President to help him with something and we always were fighting. I… I didn't think we were going to survive it and then…you died."

"How?" Derek found himself asked quietly.

"You saved a couple of people in a car crash on your way to Washington. You apparently parked in the middle of the street to text me or something, and a transfer truck hit you." Meredith could feel tears fill her eyes and she felt her nails digging into her skin, but she continued. "I pulled the plug because the people at the Medical Center you were sent to weren't trained for any sort of trauma, and you were brain dead. Amelia - who lived with us by the way – was so angry with me. But, I couldn't handle the thought of keeping you on the machines so I told them to unplug you. You passed away quietly."

Derek was silent and staring at Meredith, and she could see the confusion in his blue eyes. But, she continued anyway.

"I later found out I was pregnant again and took the kids and left. I didn't take to anyone for months, and when I came back, I had had Ellis. People were ticked off sure, but it was worse when Callie fell in love with her Pretty Penny. Penny was one of the doctors who treated you and killed you." Meredith was still bitter about Callie leaving Seattle and taking Penny's side. She would never understand why Callie decided to love someone like Penny; Penny had killed Derek. She had stolen him from Meredith and her children. "Can you guess who was then hired at the hospital?"

"Callie's Pretty Penny?" Derek asked, raising an eyebrow.

Meredith nodded. "Bailey offered to fire her for me – she's the new Chief of Surgery – but I knew it wasn't fair to judge someone who wasn't trained correctly. So, I had Penny on my service and I made her life hell for you."

"It sounds like a lot happened." Derek commented, surprised.

"There's more," Meredith replied, shaking her head at the memories. It was nice to share them with someone. It was nice to talk to Derek. "Within a year, Penny was offered another job and she took it. Callie and Arizona had a custody battle over Sofia. Arizona won, and ended up giving Callie Sofia anyway. They left to New York and we haven't heard from them since. And then, Amelia got married."

Derek looked stunned by this news. "To who?"

"Owen. Cristina had left a year before you died and Owen had been alone ever since." Meredith said gently. "I passed out and hit my head at their wedding." She knew she was leaving out her relationship with Riggs, but could she honestly tell Derek about her feelings for another a man? A man who wasn't her husband? "Derek, there's more."

"How could there be more?" Derek was stunned by all of this.

Meredith took in a deep breath. "I met someone. I… I could see my chance to be happy again, after your… death."

He didn't say a word, stunned by all of this, and he got to his feet and left Meredith alone in the conference room. She bowed her head and let out a deep breath.

She had faced her fears by laying _everything_ out to him, and Derek had walked away. Hell, she didn't even cover Maggie or what exactly Riggs was to her. Meredith sighed, feeling a headache coming on, and she covered her face with a grumble.

 **Up Next:** _ **The Decision**_ : Does Derek decide to forgive Meredith for her coma-self deciding to try love again or not? And does Meredith even truly want him back?

 **REVIEWS**

BrandiIndigo: I'm glad. I hope I continue to keep your attention.

Patsy: They still have a long ways before they can truly be together and happy again. ;) And, if I decide to write a MerMar story, it's my choice. I think they're cute together and I think Mark would make Meredith happy. Much more than Derek, to be honest. Derek was an arse near the end.

Sakural23: I'm glad to hear it!

Guest: Me and you both, buddy. You and me both… xD

Guest: 'Cause I dislike Izzie. *shrugs*

 **Thank you for the reviews and I hope to hear more from everyone! :D**


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